The day Gory discovered that God did exist, he was enjoying a day off work. The discovery was made in a rather violent way, while Gory was shaving in front of the mirror in his bathroom. At first it was a hissing and sucking at the same time, sound, somehow like a falling bomb and then it started to distort in a disgusting way. When the bloke made his appearance out of nowhere beside Gory's bath, the sound was like an enormous fart.
Gory turned abruptly to him cutting his cheek deeply with the razor. Thoughts of horror movies crossed his mind and
then a friend of him who became nuts from the constant and unrelenting consumption of acid.
"No, it's not because of the drugs", the guy informed him with squeaky voice. And right after: "Sorry". He bend over the bath and started to puke.
When he was over with puking, he wiped his mouth with Gory's towel, filling it with brown and yellow small pieces.
"Well", he started.
"Hey, what the fuck", said Gory, suddenly activated by the tarnishing of his beloved -and only one clean- towel.
The guy frowned at him. "Sorry, but these abrupt embodiments, are slow death for the stomach. Honestly, I prefer it to be materialized as a burning bush" He started laughing and his laugh kept on excessively, mounting octaves, more and more high pitched, penetrating Gory's brain.
"Excuse me", said the guy, "I need some time to adjust myself to the new body's demands". His voice now was normal although rather pompous.
Gory examined him. Long and narrow face, advanced boldness, crooked and a bit insidious features, long and carved nose and rather short.
"Who are you?", he asked him.
The answer came from within, with a light that illuminated his whole existence. he was taken over by an ecstatic feeling so intense that he fell to his knees.
"Well...", he gasped embarassed as a few moments later he was standing up shamefaced.
God smiled at him compassionately.
A drop of bood fell to Gory's wrist and he stood watching it, thinking that God was in front of him, no shit.
"Bullshit", he thought back, but immediately the previous feeling of wisdom and ecstasy and...-what indeed?- came in his conscious dispersing his doubts.
"Do something with this", said to God, showing him his bloody cheek, hoping for a new sign.
God made an impatient gesture.
"I don't like to mess with the natural flow of things with no important reason. It disturbs the harmony of the Universe. Moreover I myself never could get along very well with miracles. It's no good anyway. I'd once sent an apprentice of mine -who was an expert to this kind of stuff- down to you, and you didn't seem to appreciate it. In fact you crucified him". He laughed again, and this time his laugh was human or better godly, or... anyway, but equally irritating nevertheless.
"Just joking", said He, and he laughed again and then, looking at Gory's bewilderment, he got serious faced.
"I'm not here to enrich your humor, nevertheless. And because my time is limited, light up this cigarette that you're thinking of and listen to what I have to say".
Gory went out of the bathroom and grasped his cigarette box from the floor of his bedroom. He returned to his bathroom finding God trying to free his leg from the jaws of a hairy small creature that had mysteriously taken the place of his toilet. God made a gesture curving his hand towards the creature and it started to melt, squeezed, leaving a heart-rending high-pitched squeal.
"Die, fucker", said God lifting the corners of his mouth in a wicked smile of satisfaction.
"See?", said He, turning to Gory. "I attempted to turn your toilet into an armchair, and look at the results".
Gory, obviously disturbed did. In the place of his toilet there was just a huge spunky stain and a couple of spots with something like goo. With trembling hands he lit up a cigarette and leaned on the wall.
"You are the elect", said He, "I chose you, yourself, among the whole creation for a very significant mission". He paused for a while and gory had a quick flash of a second hand car salesman.
"You will be my mouth piece down to earth for a while", He continued. "I have some rather significant things to announce to my loyals and it is very exhausting, honestly, to do it for each one of them separately. And I'm fed up with sending my son dressed like a hippy to every drug addict nut - not to mention the psychological impact to him, ha, ha".
He took a cigarette from Gory's box without asking and lit it up.
"Marlboro, my favorite ones", said He, inhaling an enormous puff.
Gory thought abstractly about the money Marlboro would pay him to use this.
"The loyalties would belong to me", He informed him and then he continued.
"Tomorrow you will apply for a position in the MISSION OF GOD, the christian t.v. channel. I have arranged it so that you will be accepted and in a couple of weeks you will get a morning program. I shall be visiting you at nights and give you instructions for the things you will have to say. It will not be difficult at all. Provided that you won't pitch into drugs because the combination of drugs with my words doesn't give nice results. I've learned my lesson after that wacko, John".
Gory tried to say something. "Eh-" , he started.
God didn't let him continue making an abrupt gesture.
"I have to go. Tomorrow you will be in their office, at 9:00 in the morning. Don't be late. Don't make me interfere with your will. I wears me out, leaving alone the fact that then I feel pangs of conscience for that case of free will. Well ciao!"
"This, you'll leave it like this?", Gory managed to say, pointing to the mess in his toilet.
"I'm a God, not a plumber", said He and disappeared leaving behind a grey cloud with a terrible smell very much corresponding to the sound preceding his appearance.
The day the Gory discovered that God did exist he finished his shaving, emptying carefully his mind and then he suddenly committed suicide abruptly leaving his body to cover with gravity acceleration the height of eight floors which stood between him and the street, and relievilngly be shattered to pieces on a telephone box.
