Louitzi went to the kitchen to prepare breakfast. His wife was still on the bed, smiling, after the clearly compulsory and quite ludicrous act she was insolent enough to call sex. “Two spoons of sugar for my coffee, love” she shouted. Louitzi did not speak back. He couldn't stand it being called “love” by that fat barrel. What they did in the bedroom, what he was forced to do, was easy to forget, pushing it in the very depths of his conscience, but being called love implied the fact that he was being loved by that greasy creature. A fact which was quite insulting for his sense of self respect.
He still could not explain why he married her. There were some rather good excuses, showing how feeble human is, but none could stand for such a terrible act. You always had to pay for the wrong decisions. Louitzi just wished he were simply absent on the day of payment.
He spread butter and mayonnaise on two slices of bread and took the ham from the fridge. It winked at him. Louitzi froze. He bent over the plate with the ham being hardly able to believe what he saw. “It's not possible”, he thought. “How long have I forgotten it in the fridge?”
As it seemed it was long enough for the piece of greasy, red meat to obtain an eye and a mouth and a perverted, archy expression of lust, radiating from his whole liquid protoplasmic body.
“For fuck's sake, it can't happen”, said loudly, as if he expected the hallucination to disappear in a cloud of logic.
“What's the matter, love?”. The voice of his wife was worried.
“Nothing, I just poured the milk on the table”, he shouted back.
“Mmm, how much I wish you would pour your milk on me”, said the ham, trembling with waves of perverted lust.
Louitzi frowned. He was clean, more than a month since he last took acid, almost two weeks after he smoked a spliff. He had no other choice than to consider what he saw and heard as real.“What are you?”, he asked the liquid creature.
“I am a small creature created by dead flesh thanks to you and still lives with only a goal. To be your mate”. The creature was shaken in a disgusting way.
Louitzi was shocked. “But it's not possible, it's absurd”, he gasped, speaking to himself mainly.
“Why is it absurd”, it objected with a squeaky voice. “I'm composed of the same matter as you and the soul is not a privilege of a certain type of creature. I've been waiting for so long time, avoiding the night raids of that bitch”. It sounded as if it spat the last words. “Waiting for you to pay attention on me. I was hearing the sound of you, I could hear your lovely voice, I felt your hands fumbling into soulless things in the frozen shelves, dreaming for the day you could notice me, melting from desire for the moment you could grab me and make me yours”. Its voice was full of goo.
Louitzi closed the kitchen's door and returned to the creature. “So now what the fuck you want from me?”
“I want to live for ever on your side. I want you to love me. I want you to make love to me until I tear apart”. It almost shouted the last sentence and it was curled up full of passion and lust.
Louitzi could conceive the image and felt appalled. He tried to regain control.
“No chance. I'll probably fry you alive”, he said.
“No, my love. I know that the only thing preventing you from loving me is that terrible woman lying in the bedroom. She sucks all your energy out of you, she is ruining your life, that slut. But there is a way to get rid of her”.
Louitzi raised an eyebrow.“You will cut a small part of me and spread it on her bread. I will suffer the pain, in order to be with you”.
Louitzi sighed. “I can't do it. That would be a murder. And I surely can't make a relation with a piece of greasy meat”.“Why? What more has she?”
That sounded logical.“C'mon my love I know you want it. That bitch has destroyed your life. Do it and nothing can do us apart, anymore”.
Louitzi said nothing. He pondered for a while and then he sighed. “Who cares?”, he mumbled and then he took a long knife from the drawer. He bent over the ham, clenching his teeth, cutting a slice. Ham pulled itself leaving cries of pain.
“Louitzi, is there anything wrong?”, his wife shouted.
“Fuck off” he thought. “I'm coming”, he said loudly. He put the slice of ham inside to toast and poured some ketchup to hide the smell. He covered it with another slice of bread and put it on a table. He headed for the bedroom. The ham pulled itself waiting.
He entered the bedroom and served the plate to his wife. All that time she was still lying in bed. “I prepared you a toast. I won't eat anything, my stomach is a mess”.
“Oh, thanks love”. She bit the toast with hunger. “What's wrong with your stomach?” she said with her mouth stuffed with food. Tiny pieces of bread and ham were spat on the bed.
On this disgusting sight, louitzi felt like throwing up for real. “ I'm sorry, I have to go to the toilet”, he said. No longer had he managed to bent over the toilet than he started to puke. His wife kept on eating puzzled.
Louitzi washed his face with lots of water. “Shit, why all pieces of meat seem to fall in love with me?”, he wondered. But maybe what happened was a message for him to restart his life. He stayed a bit more in the bathroom and then he went to the bedroom. His wife was lying dead, swollen, on the table. The ham did a neat job, no shit.
He headed slowly to the kitchen.
“Louitzi, I still love you”, it squeaked before it passed away leaving an awful smell of roasted fat.
Louitzi wheezed and he leant on the wall, wiping his sweat away. Then he went to the telephone. He had to call an ambulance, saying that his wife was suffering from some food poisoning. He wouldn't mention his fried love.
Outside the window, the sun was shining, in an optimist way. Louitzi smiled broadly and dialed the number. The smell of the burned fat reminded him of his freedom and that he should go somewhere to have a decent breakfast, after getting rid of the dead body...
